What To Do When Our Integrity Is Attacked.

What To Do When Our Integrity is Attacked.

  How To Prepare a SMARTLY KARMIC™ Response.*

Ouch! Attacks on character, honesty or integrity, can be more painful than physical attacks.  Learn about what it’s really all about, choice making and how to respond.

• First, Don’t “Let Your Fingers Do the Walking.”

First, gently, but firmly, take your fingers off your keyboard. You have a 99.9% chance of experiencing serious regret, if you take action in response to such an attack, while your brain and body are in survival mode, flooded with all those survival mode chemicals.

• Analyzing in State of Anger or Resentment, Can Only Result in the Same or Worse.

You cannot think clearly while in high beta, also known as “survival mode,” consumed by high emotional states of fear, anger and resentment.  Such states can only produce like states or higher levels of the same negative state.   Try analyzing in survival mode and you will only exacerbate the situation and create an even higher negative emotional state for yourself, with greatly exaggerated stories circling through your mind.   Analyzing in such states also makes it more difficult to change that state of mind, to one that is conducive to analysis.

• Bring Your Brain Out of Beta.

It’s best to take a break from the situation, until the symptoms of fight, flight or freeze are gone.  Sometimes, this can be accomplished by implementing a signal breath (e.g., breath full breaths counting to 4 on the in breath, hold for 4 and counting to 8 on the outbreath, and do that 4 times) and other situations it may require more to quiet the mind and body, such as meditation, a walk or other soothing experience or days away from the particular environment.

• Ready to Regain Your Power.

Once out of survival mode, consider the following.   First, just like the attacker, you too have the power of choice making.   Choose to change the focus of your attention.  Once you take your attention off the choices made by the attacker, and start focusing your attention on the choices that are now available to you, you immediately regain your power and you should notice that the victim type feelings will start to dissipate.

• Action Causes Return In Like-Kind.

Remind yourself, that every action is a choice put into motion, with meanings well beyond our senses and with purposes, that only the actor truly knows.  Also, each choice and corresponding action, has either destructive or evolutionary consequences.  Even more important to remember is that each action, returns to the actor in like-kind.  That is, he will receive the same level of destruction that he intentionally inflicts on others (“return in like-kind”).  So you need not do anything at all, to cause a consequence for the actor.  Nature will take care of that, it’s the law (law of nature).

• It’s All About Him.

It’s also good to remember that when someone attacks someone’s character, honesty or integrity, that the attack is all about the attacker’s personal story, not your story.  The very act itself has already rendered a negative affect on the actor internally and externally as a reflection on the actor and compromises (or confirms) his reputation.

Also, what and who you are cannot be reduced to mere words, you are much greater than that.  You are not your name or any other label that anyone associates to you. And so, the attacker’s proclamation, whether holding some or no truth, does not define you and is not who you are. Also consider that anyone who adopts an opinion proclaimed by an attacker, without looking further, is not someone who has an opinion that matters.

• You Have Unlimited Choices Available to You.

1. Do Nothing.  Choices are power, and you have unlimited choices available to you.  One of your choices is to do nothing.  In that case, remind yourself that the attacker will experience a consequence in like-kind, even without any effort on your part.   What comes around goes around, as “they” say.  In this case, unless you believe deep down, in your heart, without doubt that the right choice is to act in response, your return in like-kind will be neutral.
2. Resist.  You could also choose to resist, but remind yourself that what resists, persists.  Resistance hurts the resister, you, as it will cause you to feel stuck in the emotional state arising out of the attack.  Furthermore, resistance is not typically a successful remedy to such attacks.
3. Retaliate.  You could retaliate, but remember, where attention goes energy flows.  That is, retaliation is like feeding the fire.  It exhausts you of the energy that you are giving away to the attacker.  To boot, it’s not even worth effort, because retaliation rarely remedies the situation and your retaliation will also set you up for a like-kind return for the act of retaliating.  A double whammo.

So if it’s just annoying harassment, it may be best to just leave it alone and hope the attacker gets bored and moves on.   If it rises to the next level, consider your choices and your words wisely, if you decide to respond.  Beyond that level see below.*

• Creating a SMARTLY KARMIC™ Response.

If you decide to respond, create a smartly karmic response, such that you look forward to receiving the return to in like-kind.  For example, if it is a published attack, in your response, describe the general subject matter and express how the attack came as a surprise to you, for example:

“I have almost __ years into [the subject matter/project], and if someone told me way back, that the project would be this successful, I would have been hopeful; cautious, but hopeful, because that was my vision.  But, if someone told that a [position/occupation/relationship of the attacker] would publish a scathing [article/post/video/book] about [subject matter], we would never have believed it; it was not part of the vision.  And to boot, I would have thought, who’d be interested enough to read about it anyway.”

Then prepare a road map for the reader, setting forth what they can expect to read and your response and what they should not expect.  For example, you can let your audience know that your response is your honest “take” of the [attack, publication, etc.], and that if they are looking for a scathing retaliation, they should stop reading or they’ll be disappointed, because that’s not the type of [post/article/etc.] that you are presenting.  Right away, and without saying it directly, you will be sending the message to the reader, that your level of integrity is greater than that of the attacker and that you have more personal power than the attacker.

Let your reader know what you plan to share in a light easy to understand manner; for example, you could start with an analogy, such as,

“ . . . reports from witnesses to an accident are different, depending upon the perspective from their street corner. I am going to share some of the story published by [the attacker], acknowledge some of the related lessons I’ve learned, provide a glimpse of [the subject matter] from my “street corner” and do my best to respond to some of the questions and concerns about [the subject matter] that I believe are on the minds of those affected and others who may simply be curious.”

Discuss the story behind the story, from your street corner.  It may be appropriate to include a few simple facts about who the attacker is and the relationship, if any, to you, without bashing or opinions, just a few neutral facts.

Then get right into anything that you may want to concede to.  Such as,

“I will be the first to tell you, [the subject matter] am/is not perfect and not for everyone.  I accept the fact that some people are critical of [the subject matter] and [the attacker] is one of those critics.  I totally understand that not everyone enjoys [the subject matter].”

“Nevertheless, I am not too upset.   [the attacker] is entitled to his opinion, and I am disappointed that his experience was contrary to the experience generally reported to me by others  in relation to [the subject matter].  I started to review the facts and the I take refuge in the fact that [insert evidence that is the opposite of the attacker’s experience/attack].  I continue to believe that [the subject matter] is [something positive here if applicable].”

“[the attacker’s] criticisms came as a surprise and I also remain puzzled by his post/article . . . questioned my character, honesty and integrity.    To the contrary, I hold myself to the highest standards of character, honesty and especially integrity.

“While there are more things in the post/article that I disagree with, I don’t disagree with it in its entirety.  He talks about [if applicable, insert what you agree with but are working on improving].  I have been working on making improvements on [   ]  for some time now and long before reading the post/article.  I already have projects in progress to this end, but there is always room for improvement and will be accelerating these programs.  So thank you [the attacker] for the kick-in-the-rear.  To be honest with you, I would have been fine with a light nudge.

“I was upset when I read the post/article, and I wish other people were not named in it.  They are good people with families and careers ahead of them.  They did not deserve to be called out like that. Fortunately, I understand how short life is, and that it is certainly too short to hold a grudge and so I am ready to let this one go.

“Thank you to all of you that have privately and publically expressed support for me.  I read all the posts and responses, and I am truly grateful for each of them.  Thank you.

End your response on a positive note, such as, “Now I will go back to writing my story, and living my vision. [end]”

 

• After Thoughts

“Why me?” you may ask.

After considering the above, you may be wondering if the attack, was a result of your karmic debt that had matured.  If it was, then celebration is in order.  That is, thank goodness that karmic debt is paid-off, so you can move on and move forward free from it.  According to the laws of nature, there is only one return in like-kind for each act, only one.  It is only our minds and our stories, that create multiple returns in like-kind; and penalize us  a hundred times over, for one act.

Thoughts For Attackers to Consider.

For those contemplating publishing a personal attack on someone, you may think it will help you or others in some way, but consider that most often personal attacks backfire.  That is, the attack spawns the opposite result and positively affects nobody.  For example, attacking an employer, only makes the employer and other similarly situated employers that find out about it, defensive, weary and suspicious of you and others in similar positions.

If you believe it’s funny or entertaining when you attack others or when you make jokes at the expense of other people, the only people who will share your humor are those who will attack others and make jokes at the expense of others; and guess who will be on their list of victims?  That’s right, you.   It’s only a matter of time for that return in like-kind.

 

*This article assumes that the target of the attacker is an adult and that the attack does not put anyone in physical danger.  Minors should always seek advice from a trusted adults. If the attack is abusive and puts you or anyone else in danger of being harmed or causes actual harm, it should be immediately reported to the appropriate authorities and professionals.  Nothing on this website is meant to be or meant to substitute for medical or other professional advice or care.